Is anyone out there?

Hello? Anybody? I’m SCREAMING and SHOUTING in pain but yet no one can hear me. I  feel hopeless. I want to let things out but I literally have nobody to rant to or to cry on. My life is depressing. I want to let my feelings out , I want somebody to talk to, somebody to listen to my depressing rants. The thing is, everybody seems to think that I’m all happy and stuff, because I joke a lot and I am fucking hilarious, nobody can deny that. LOL. So when I do try to talk about it to my friends, they never take me seriously, to them it’s just another one of my jokes. But..truth is, I’m suffering. 

And the best part is, nobody knows how I’m actually feeling, deceived by this, this act, I’ve put on.


What happens when I get depressed…

Sorry for the English.. It’s kinda what we do when we’re not mentally/emotionally stable :p


Today, one of  my best friends, Lisa, is leaving to Argentina. For a year.. A WHOLE FRICKING YEAR! She’s going there for this foreign exchange student program thingy. I’m really happy for her but at the same time, sad, that she’s going away. She can’t even come back during festive seasons! 😦  And another friend of mine Jahira (Jaja) is also leaving today! She got Switzerland and she and Lisa got the same flight and they’re gonna transit at Amsterdam. And guess what?! The love of my life is also gonna be in Amsterdam to surprise his sister on her birthday! On the same day! OF ALL THE DAYS!!!! WHY?!! </3  From Amsterdam, Lisa and Jaja will  go on separate ways. Another friend of mine, Qish, is  already in Hawaii! She’s also in the exchange program. And then! My good friend Nikol a.k.a my Ball of Chinese Friend is going to Columbia for 5 months! She’s going there for charity work. ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME! 😦 That’s not all I’m depressed about. I’m kinda really into Matsalehs. A Matsaleh, is a term we Malaysians use for white/Caucasian people :p I’m like really really really into Matsaleh boys! LOL I guess opposites attract!  And my friends are going to Matsaleh countries! While I’m here stuck with the Malay boys. FUCK THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



That's us having fun at our senior prom <3

That’s us having fun at our senior prom ❤

That's Jaja on the far left. And Nikol, Syazween and Niky.

That’s Jaja on the far left. And Nikol, Syazween and Niky on my 18th birthday. ❤

Us 2 days before Qish left to Hawaii

That’s us at KLCC, 2 days before Qish left to Hawaii 😀 Syazween’s not in this picture because she left early :/

That's me on the far left. Lisa in the middle and Liz on the far right <3

That’s me on the left. Lisa in the middle and Liz on the far right ❤


Mental Games

I sorta like a guy he sorta likes me too (I don’t even know why he likes me back to be honest). We’re kind of in a really complicated situation right now. We’re together but not really together. It’s because of the distance. The god damn distance! This sucks so bad.

He’s giving me mixed signals. Like sometimes he’s really into making this work and sometimes he just doesn’t even bother. When he’s really trying to make it work, he’s like the sweetest thing that you can find on the planet. He’s gotten me fricking hooked. I can’t stop thinking about him!

Sweet merciful Lord! I’ve become such a girl! I promised myself I would not be like my girl friends.The reason being is that I won’t get hurt in the end. But here I am. Spilling everything on the internet. This is gonna end badly for me. I can feel it. My Indian intuition never fails me.

Sigh! He needs to get his shit straight. I’m tired of being left hanging. If he doesn’t wanna go on with this, then just say it and we can get it done and over with. Every time I bring this topic up, he just doesn’t say anything and changes the topic. Ugghh! I can’t even… GOD!