Is anyone out there?

Hello? Anybody? I’m SCREAMING and SHOUTING in pain but yet no one can hear me. I  feel hopeless. I want to let things out but I literally have nobody to rant to or to cry on. My life is depressing. I want to let my feelings out , I want somebody to talk to, somebody to listen to my depressing rants. The thing is, everybody seems to think that I’m all happy and stuff, because I joke a lot and I am fucking hilarious, nobody can deny that. LOL. So when I do try to talk about it to my friends, they never take me seriously, to them it’s just another one of my jokes. But..truth is, I’m suffering. 

And the best part is, nobody knows how I’m actually feeling, deceived by this, this act, I’ve put on.

What happens when I get depressed…

Sorry for the English.. It’s kinda what we do when we’re not mentally/emotionally stable :p

Matsalehhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Lisa, uhh, decided to update me..

Just look at what Lisa sent me! Where I come from, there ain’t nothing like this man! AND! He can speak French! HUMNAH HUMNAHHH!!!!!

That bitch (Lisa, I love you :p ) is motherfucking lucky!!!!!

AND THIS!!! I cant even…. MA OVARIES!!!!!

Depressed…

Today, one of  my best friends, Lisa, is leaving to Argentina. For a year.. A WHOLE FRICKING YEAR! She’s going there for this foreign exchange student program thingy. I’m really happy for her but at the same time, sad, that she’s going away. She can’t even come back during festive seasons! 😦  And another friend of mine Jahira (Jaja) is also leaving today! She got Switzerland and she and Lisa got the same flight and they’re gonna transit at Amsterdam. And guess what?! The love of my life is also gonna be in Amsterdam to surprise his sister on her birthday! On the same day! OF ALL THE DAYS!!!! WHY?!! </3  From Amsterdam, Lisa and Jaja will  go on separate ways. Another friend of mine, Qish, is  already in Hawaii! She’s also in the exchange program. And then! My good friend Nikol a.k.a my Ball of Chinese Friend is going to Columbia for 5 months! She’s going there for charity work. ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME! 😦 That’s not all I’m depressed about. I’m kinda really into Matsalehs. A Matsaleh, is a term we Malaysians use for white/Caucasian people :p I’m like really really really into Matsaleh boys! LOL I guess opposites attract!  And my friends are going to Matsaleh countries! While I’m here stuck with the Malay boys. FUCK THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciao,

Sara.R

That’s us having fun at our senior prom ❤

That’s Jaja on the far left. And Nikol, Syazween and Niky on my 18th birthday. ❤

That’s us at KLCC, 2 days before Qish left to Hawaii 😀 Syazween’s not in this picture because she left early

That’s me on the left. Lisa in the middle and Liz on the far right ❤

 

My Idea Of Sexy

Lets have beautiful caramel babies together, PJ 😉

Ciao,

Sara.R

 

American Boy

I literally want an American boy ;p

Ciao,

Sara.R

 

Mental Games

I sorta like a guy he sorta likes me too (I don’t even know why he likes me back to be honest). We’re kind of in a really complicated situation right now. We’re together but not really together. It’s because of the distance. The god damn distance! This sucks so bad.

He’s giving me mixed signals. Like sometimes he’s really into making this work and sometimes he just doesn’t even bother. When he’s really trying to make it work, he’s like the sweetest thing that you can find on the planet. He’s gotten me fricking hooked. I can’t stop thinking about him!

Sweet merciful Lord! I’ve become such a girl! I promised myself I would not be like my girl friends.The reason being is that I won’t get hurt in the end. But here I am. Spilling everything on the internet. This is gonna end badly for me. I can feel it. My Indian intuition never fails me.

Sigh! He needs to get his shit straight. I’m tired of being left hanging. If he doesn’t wanna go on with this, then just say it and we can get it done and over with. Every time I bring this topic up, he just doesn’t say anything and changes the topic. Ugghh! I can’t even… GOD!

Ciao,

Sara.R

Quote of The Day

“If you were born poor, it’s not your fault. But if you die poor, then, it is your fault” – Bill Gates

SEA Forensics Tournament 2013

About a week ago, I took part in the South East Asian Forensics competition (SEA Forensics Tournament). Most Americans are familiar with this tournament but where I come from, majority of them have never heard about this competition. It is one of the largest tournaments in Asia. Basically, this competition is about, I really don’t know how to put it into words, just basically, performing on stage? That’s how I see it. So anyway, students all over Asia, from both local and International schools took part in this tournament. There were  7 events in this tournament : Solo Acting, Duet Acting, Debate, Original Oratory,  Extemporaneous Speaking, Oral Interpretation, and Impromptu Speaking. I took part in Solo and Duet Acting.

This is my second and  also my final year competing, how I wish I could turn back time and participated earlier. Last year, I only made it to the Semi-finals, but this year I managed to make it to the finals for both events. This year’s competition was really tough! They were really good up to the extend where I lost my confidence (not that I have much to begin with) and  I was on the brink of madness. I was pacing around like a fool. I went to the restroom every  5 seconds (I’m not exaggerating)  and I could feel my heart in my tummy. I was shocked but grateful when I found out that I made it to the finals. I didn’t win though. I was and still is quite bummed about it but then I remembered the reason I took part in this tournament in the first place.

The first reason, I’m not gonna lie, is to mingle around with the boys LOL! I can’t help it. I’m 18 and my hormones are raging! :p MAN! Do they breed some fine looking dudes in the International School of Kuala Lumpur (ISKL). The second reason, is to make new friends and catching up with the old ones from other schools. And last but certainly not least, to have have fun. I’ve put myself out there and people have seen me performing my self-written script for my solo act (for duet, we must perform a published script) and they enjoyed it (or at least I think they did).  It gave me this really awesome feeling that I can’t describe. Would’ve been better if I won though but I’m content.

Ciao,

Sara.R

Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day for most. But for me, it’s just another regular Thursday. I ain’t complaining, which to be honest, is quite surprising for me. I usually get extremely sad or depressed about these sorta things. I don’t know, maybe my hormones are balanced today. So, today, a girl committed suicide by jumping off from the 6th floor of a local mall, Berjaya Times Square, after fighting with her boyfriend. It is stupid of her to do so, I know, if I were her, I would’ve pushed the boyfriend off the 6th floor rather killing myself, but what’s done is done. That’s not what I wanna talk about. What I want to talk about is the people commenting and saying bad things about her. Obviously, the news of her death spread like wildfire on every social network known to mankind. It even became a Twitter trend. And the things that people have to say about this poor girl are just insensitive. All of a sudden, these people became holy priests, preaching about how her action’s friggin sinful and that she was on the highway to hell. Not trying to sound racist, but it’s the majority of the Malays that say all these inane and uncivilized shit. Like fricking seriously! First of all, this girl is not even of their faith, MY faith as well actually, so why do they even bother in the first place?! And! Even if she were, who are they to say who’s going to hell and who’s not?! Their own fate has yet to be determined. Seriously, these people need to educate themselves! Sheesh!

Ciao,

Sara.R